Life as a GIraffe

I am a giraffe.

The other day, my husband said he was talking to his lab-mates at lunch about their totem animals. According to them, a totem animal is the one you are most like. It doesn't have to be your favorite animal, just one you resemble. They decide that he is an owl. It makes sense; a quiet, watchful bird that notes everything and is very precise in all its movements.

Also, he can fly almost silently, so there's that too.

I thought for a while. Giraffes are my favorite animal, so I was deliberately steering clear of them in my head so I didn't bias myself. My husband suggested that I was some kind of sea creature.

A jellyfish? They have no brain, after all.

Harhar, no. 

A cuttlefish? They're colorful and rather creative.

No, he said. A cuttlefish changes its appearance to camouflage itself. I don't do that; wherever I am, I am obviously me.

I thought some more. Well, then I'm a giraffe.

Giraffes are very chill animals. They hang out on the plains and eat leaves and don't bother any other animals. And if a lion or something tries to bother them, it is dispatched with a swift, powerful kick (I don't get into other people's business, and those who start drama are quickly ejected from my life). Giraffes don't make much noise (I am quiet). And a giraffe is a giraffe, always. It can't pretend to be anything else. It sticks out no matter where it is.

I think being one of those social chameleons would actually be very useful, and it's a little frustrating that I can't always make myself fit in.

But since I can't, I'd rather be a giraffe.

Frederik Pohl 1916-2013

Waaaay back in high school I read a story in one of those 'Best of..." anthologies. It was about a future where the world population had exploded, and the United States had implemented a very unusual method of birth control- although the control was enacted well after the person culled had been born. It was a powerful story, and I remembered it. I couldn't recall the title or the author, but I remembered every detail of the story.

One day I told my husband about it. He pulled up Google- for some reason in all this time I had never thought to consult the Internet- and found the story: "Spending a Day at the Lottery Fair" by one Frederik Pohl.

I was thrilled to have the information, and even more thrilled when, a few days later, he brought me a collection of short stories called "Pohlstars", which included "Lottery Fair".

I re-read the story, and it was everything I remembered (and a little more, to my now-adult brain). And then, because you can't read just one, I kept reading. I read the heartbreaking "The Sweet Sad Queen of the Grazing Isles". I moved on to his most famous novel, Gateway. The incomparably weird "Starburst". The epic "The World at the End of Time". The sharp, cynical "The Day After the Day the Martians Came". And the rest of the Heechee Saga, oh yes. When I discovered that Pohl had a blog, I read that too. As a writer and editor who had been working for the better part of the 20th century, he shared wonderful stories, as well as his political opinions and pictures of his cats and the cruises he took with his wife. And he kept writing. He kept on despite the fact that, as he mentions in his blog post, his hands no longer worked and hadn't for some time.

Pohl was truly unique, even in the rush of Golden Age and New Wave SF that spawned so many unique writers. He combined solid science with flights of epic fancy, wrote truly alien minds with fantastic detail, and laid bare with humanity's best and worst qualities with sharp cynicism, but also humor. His style was plain but eloquent.

Frederik Pohl died yesterday at the age of 93. I commented on his blog posts a couple times. I hope that he might have read them and, in my clumsy words, understood what I was really trying to say: that he was an important artist and an important person to readers everywhere. To the world. To me. 

GISHWHES 2013: The Reveal

I wasn't around much the past couple weeks. Part of the reason was Gencon, the other part was the Greatest International Scavenger Hunt the World Has Ever Seen (GISHWHES). Above are some of the items my 15-person team completed. I considered writing captions to let you know what each picture is supposed to represent, but then I decided it was funnier with no explanation.

A Non-Gamer at Gencon 2013

Our time at Gencon was cut woefully short this year due to lack of babysitting (one grandma just started a new job, and the other is a teacher...yeah, I understand Gencon's overlords don't want to hold it the same weekend as PAX or another big con, but if maybe they could hold it sometime that is not the week school begins in my state, that would be great). We arrived Friday evening and left Sunday afternoon. Because of this the weekend felt rushed, since we had to pack four days' worth of awesomeness into two, but hey, short Gencon is better than no Gencon.

Since we didn't get to Indy until 6, I assumed we'd be waiting in line a while to pick up our badges at Will Call. I figured the locals would be getting off work and coming to grab their own badges...but I was wrong. There was no wait. Not even sixty seconds. Not even ten seconds. We walked right up and got our stuff with no trouble. The guy in the booth turned out to have gone to our alma mater as well, so we chatted about that (sorry I didn't get your name, cool friendly guy!).

We were meeting a friend for dinner, but he wouldn't arrive until 9, so we wandered around the convention center a bit, discovering the arcade room, which was packed with elderly arcade games including The Simpsons and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and others my husband knew but I didn't because I never played many games back in the day- still don't, really. We checked out the card hall and the miniatures hall and Cardhalla, ran into my friend Kimberly and chatted a bit, then headed to the Rock Bottom Brewery for dinner. Our friend who was supposed to meet us at 9 didn't show up until 10:30; we were finished by then. The cute waitress busted his balls about being so tardy, but we stuck around while he ate, went with him to pick up his badge, and retreated to our hotel room at the Fairfield Inn, peeking in at the massive Pathfinder room.

The Fairfield isn't fancy, but the beds are soft, the TV has HBO and they offer a free breakfast. I will always stay in the hotel that offers free breakfast.

Saturday morning I actually managed to drag my lazy ass to the hotel fitness center, where I trudged on a cross-trainer while watching the scrolling newsfeed on CNN (only after my workout did I notice the headphones tucked behind the screens on the equipment. What a dumbass).

I got dressed (super-cute miniskirt kind of- EGL dress and stripey stockings. My friend bought the dress from Hot Topic for my birthday more than 10 years ago. When I found it in my closet a couple months back I was stoked that I can fit into it again) and we partook of the free breakfast and went to the convention center.

My first panel was “Exploring Genres: Horror”. The “Exploring Genres” panels were a new thing this year, and consisted mostly of panelists who wrote in that particular genre attempting to outline the genre and give tips for writing it. In all I went to four “EG” panels that day (the only ones I attended on Saturday, actually): Horror, YA, Dark Fantasy and Cross Genre. All were entertaining (and, in the case of YA, a genre I don't read and don't know much about, helpful). However, I still feel that the Gencon Writers' Symposium- while enjoyable- is something I might have outgrown. Most of the panels are geared toward writers who are just dipping their toes into the water. Those of us who have been doing this a while need panels with more specific topics to help further our writing education- because you're never too old or too experienced to learn, but the basics are pretty much laser-engraved into our brains at this point. 

Between panels I got lunch with friends in the packed mall food court, wandered the dealer hall and spent too much money there, bought a Magic playmat with half-naked ladies on it, ran into Booster Gold, found the Hound's fearsome helmet (how the hell could he actually see out of that thing?) and was enchanted by a little pink stuffed llama. Shut up, I needed it.

There's a funny story about the playmat. I saw it, loved it, but decided I should look around some more first. When I ran into my husband, I said, “I found a playmat I like!” and he replied, “I saw one I think you'll like too, it has a succubus and a lady in chains at her feet...”

Me: “THAT'S IT!”

So of course I bought that one, and thanks to a special deal also received a matching box and sleeves. SEX-AY!

I met up with my husband and the same friends for dinner that evening in the miniatures hall; after some back-and-forth about what we should eat, we proceeded outside to places where food would presumably be served.

(but not before I caught a picture of this rockin' Powergirl, probably the best I've ever seen)

And here's what I learned that night: finding food at dinnertime in downtown Indianapolis when there are two large conventions happening (Gencon and a biker convention, which made for some interesting juxtapositions at crosswalks; I tried playing “Biker or Gamer?” in my head while we walked but it wasn't very challenging), it's going to take some time to find food. After walking for almost an hour (with a 3-year-old kid that belonged to my friends, who I must say was insanely patient and well-behaved) we came upon the California Pizza Kitchen. We had to wait a while, but we were too tired to trek on, and when we saw the servers and bussers were all wearing geeky t-shirts (from superheroes to The Big Bang Theory) we knew our choice was the right one. Alas, our server was not the girl dressed in a full-on Katniss-from-The-Hunger-Games costume, but she was nice and apologetic when my pizza came out later than everyone else's food. I tipped her what I had (a dollar over 20%) and she thanked me at least three times, which makes me wonder what other people tip (or don't).

Side note: CPK's Sicilian pizza is way better fresh at a restaurant than frozen from the grocery.

Walking back to the convention center, we had one of Those Moments. Where someone says something so funny that the entire group starts laughing, and as soon as it dies down someone says something funny that is related to the first funny thing, and pretty soon once you manage to get a hold of yourself, you catch the eye of another group member and start howling again, and then anyone walking by who glances at this group of morons who are falling on the floor with hilarity thinks you're insane and possibly mentally deficient. What started us off was one member revealing that on an Xbox Live game, he put an icon of a horse molesting a pig on all his guns, so if someone else killed him and jacked his stuff, they would find themselves in possession of a gun proudly marked by an instance of farmyard rape. I can't even tell you what jokes that image led to, but they were all said in front of my friend's daughter, who thankfully was so exhausted at that point that she looked like a tiny, cute zombie, so hopefully she didn't remember any of it.

Sunday was my big day. At 8 a.m. I attended a Read & Critique, probably my favorite thing at Gencon (I usually try to do two, but no time this year). In a Read & Critique, you read from your selected piece for a set period of time (usually 3-5 minutes) in front of a panel of four authors/editors. Then they spend 10-15 minutes giving you hell. Well, not really. They buffet you with both praise and criticism, most of which I've found to be really helpful. I think the panelists like me because I've done this before, and I'm as good as anyone at taking criticism, if I do say so myself. I keep my mouth shut, take notes, and thank them at the end. Too many writers want to explain things to the panelists as a protest against criticism they think is unfair- which takes up time other people could be reading. I received a good mix of praise and criticism for my piece, the beginning of a novella that is a sequel to Hour of the Lotus (shameless self-promotion alert!). There was some seriously good stuff being read at this Read & Critique, so I'm optimistic about the future of specfic.

Gencon did something new this year as well, in which writers could sign up for 10 minutes with an author/editor for a one-on-one critique session. It was an intriguing idea, so I tried it out. I was paired with speculative romance author Elizabeth Vaughn. I don't write romance, but I enjoy getting perspectives from different genre writers (this is why I love writing groups). She read the first few pages of my new novel, a YA fantasy set in a Japanese-inspired secondary world. And she said it was really, really good. It was polished and precise (it needed a few details, though) and in a couple years I'd probably be on Gencon panels, not attending them. All of which raised my already-unbearable ego to soaring new heights (and gave me motivation to tackle my revisions with renewed vigor). It turns out that many of the writers she'd consulted with that day needed suggestions on points of view, tenses, grammar, etc. So maybe she was just relieved that I knew the basics already...

We hit the food trucks lined up outside for lunch. Indian tacos are more delicious than you would think. And then I got a cupcake from a van (it said 'free cupcakes' on the side in permanent marker; it looked legit enough). No really, a little old lady was selling cupcakes out of a van. I wish I could remember the name of the business on the side of the van because I would love to give her a shout-out, but I can't. The cupcakes all had Star Wars names, like 'The Darth Vader' (chocolate) or 'The Princess Leia' (almond wedding cake). I chose 'The Chewbacca' (chocolate cupcake with caramel frosting and a salted caramel in the middle). No joke you guys, this was the best fucking cupcake I ever had. If I see this lady next year I'm going to ask if she ships to my town. 

After another turn through the dealers' room, we waved goodbye to Gencon for another year and headed home to our lives of quiet desperation.

Some Terrible Fanfic Writers Have All the Luck (And I Don't Mean E.L. James For Once)

Good Heavens. So many of us strive every day to do the very best writing we can, and no one ever calls with plans to turn our work in a web series (I have several pieces available, Mysterious Web Series Makers. If you're interested). But write the worst fanfiction ever, and someone out there will jump at the chance to spread the lulz.

I am 99% sure the notorious Harry Potter fanfiction 'My Immortal', with its egregious abuse of the English language, constant side notes by the author, and lack of knowledge about basic human sexuality, is really the most hilarious and brilliant joke ever played on the Internet. I suppose it's about time this travesty got its own web series. I mean, how can you lose when 3/4 of the characters in the books find out they are really vampires? And dress exclusively in clothes purchased at Hot Topic? Which, as we all know, is the single most Goth place on Earth.

Side Note: Back at my old bookstore, there was this Goth couple that sometimes came in. The man had a beard and long hair and they both wore long black coats, but the woman won because she had a crown of thorns tattooed around her forehead. I know it was a tattoo because it looked the same every time I saw her. They were really nice customers.

Anyway, if you'd like to see some clips from this fantastically funny little series, check it out here!

Help The Lovecraft eZine WITH NO EFFORT!

So, I know you guys buy stuff. And I know you probably buy stuff on Amazon.

Here's a way you can help save one of my favorite e-zines, created by one of my favorite editors, without spending a dime more than you intended.

I love Lovecraft, and I love Mythos fiction, so I double-love The Lovecraft eZine (never mind that they published one of my stories a while back...). And Mike Davis is a stellar editor: discerning, quick to communicate AND he pays on time. But now The Lovecraft eZine is in trouble. And you can help me and all the other readers/writers save it.

Its simple. When you go to Amazon, don't just type in amazon.com. Go through this link. When you do, The Lovecraft eZine gets a referral fee. SUPER-EASY! This portal pulls up a Lovecraftian fiction page, but you can search for whatever you want.

So take a minute to bookmark that Amazon portal link and help us save this zine! I thank you, other Mythos fans thank you, and The Bloody Tongue will thank you if he remembers between chaos-causing sessions.

(and if you're One of Us, you can purchase megapacks of the zine's 2011/2012 archived fiction- including my 2012 story "Inheritance").

Fandomfest 2013

I (and my other half) will be attending Fandomfest in Louisville on Saturday, July 27th. We went last year; I didn't know what to expect but ended up having a fine time. The problem with many cons' writing tracks is that they tend to have the same panels over and over, every year- and usually those panels are aimed at beginning writers. “How to Get Published”, “How to Avoid Scams”, “How to Edit”. These panels are often entertaining but not very informative. Fandomfest was different. There I found panels about what is taboo in different genres, about writing GLBT fiction, and about the Lovecraftian mythos (which I enjoy writing stories in).

The panel list for this year looks equally fun. Here are some of the panel names from the programming list on their website:

Animals in Fiction

This panel will explore the topic of animals in fiction, including animals that are characters and the use of animals in stories. Some of the most heartwarming stories in literature have involved animals who have been main characters (Watership Down, for starters), or important parts of the cast (Shadowfax in LOTR). Join this panel for a fun and interesting overview of the use of animals in fiction.

I like animals. I like fiction. I use animals in my fiction pretty often, so this should be interesting.

Book Blogging

Book Blogs have become quite a force in today’s publishing climate. Book Blogs have propelled self-published authors to the heights of the sales charts, and major presses now place a great focus on the book blog community. This forum will discuss the world of book blogging and why it has become so important for today’s authors.

Perhaps I can make this blog better...

Crossing Genres: A Forum

There will always be readers of particular genres, whether it be steampunk or epic fantasy, but many storytellers are having wonderful experiences bringing in elements of many genres. This panel will explore some examples of cross-genre fiction, and also discuss why cross-genre fiction is growing fast in popularity.

A lot of my own work is between genres, and I like reading things that cross boundaries.

Episodic Fiction: An Effective Format for Today’s Publishing Climate

The explosion of eBooks has brought along with it a great potential for publishing stories as episodic fiction. This panel will give an overview of episodic fiction, and also discuss why the digital media world makes episodic fiction increasingly attractive for many authors.

Hmmm...interesting. It worked for Dickens.

Literary Costume Contest!

Yes, that’s right, a literary-themed costume contest. If you have a costume relating to a literary character, then this event is perfect for you! There will be prizes awarded in several categories in what is going to be one of the favorite activities in the Literary Track at FandomFest.

Hmmmm... should have had that Honor Harrington costume made last year. Ah, well.

World Building 101

World building plays a key role in all kinds of speculative fiction, from steampunk, to epic fantasy, to science fiction and urban fantasy. How do you go about creating an interesting and compelling world to set your story in? There are so many considerations, from geography, to sociology, to technology, and much more. What world-building elements can be used in developing a story set in our world? Come and explore the exciting topic of world building with our expert panelists.

Well...even I don't know everything.

So if you're a local specfic writer, consider checking out Fandomfest. And if you go, look for me! We can chillax together and talk the craft.

Click here for the complete list of literary panels at the con.